Becoming LJ – In Arrears

Halfway through week 11 I got sick. Visited my local ER and discharged after a strange (to me) diagnosis of Benign Positional (or Directional) Vertigo. Extremely low on magnesium and potassium. I am to take supplements and I do not believe in supplements. For now, I shall listen to the medical professionals and acquiesce. Then I will look at foods to incorporate into my diet – until then – I shall be a “good girl!”.

The very next day I caught “something” – the flu – a cold – I’m not sure – but it has had me bedridden with a fever of 102 degrees for two separate days. Each time I think I have it beat it beats me down again. Lethargic is an understatement. And I wake up today and realize I haven’t submitted my blog for last week and I’m a day late for this week. AND … tomorrow begins week 13. Holy smokes – I am about to begin the last week of the first half of the Master Key Experience. Insta-Fear. Yup. MEGA.

Don’t like the word many use for our old paragdigm – the cement – I prefer to use DNA. And in this case, my old DNA is given me a run for my money. MUST, no NEED to rid myself of this bad mojo. So, I stop and breathe. Then I celebrate the release of my DMP – something I never knew was on the horizon. That helps. And I celebrate last week’s and this week’s service to myself – small victories worth the recognition. Then I looked at my bank balance and panic has overtaken my body. I am almost out of funds. I am not making much money at my day job (no longer covers my living expenses) and the past month has been negligible for earnings with my side gig and once this money is gone – it’s gone.

So I’m trying my damnedest to use what I’ve learned thus far (and deep-down believe in) to overtake this fear. As I write the panic remains. Logic dictates it’s long overdue that I change what I am doing and I’m not sure what it is that I should change. Irrational fear has seeped in. I’m grateful I’m working today – perhaps my mind will be kept occupied. I sure hope so.

I sure as hell am going to persist through this. I haven’t come this far to give up. But man, am I ever nervous.

Published by BecomingLJ

Another new shot at getting it right

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