Terribly late with these combined posts – kind of lost track of time as I was hospitalized most of week 4.
And I’m fortunate. God and the universe were sending me a message, a lesson to learn, I have faith I’ll figure it out – and I’ve learned to have patience these days to allow things to happen when it’s the right time.
So, week 4 was spent hooked up to IVs, bloodwork and vitals taken 3 times/day and lots of intermittent, yet DEEP sleep. I didn’t have the chapter with me, nor did I have TGS – something about being whisked away in an ambulance when you weren’t planning on it – doesn’t allow you much time time think cause my mind was focused on surviving at that point! I did, however, reflect (sit) MUCH. And NOT once, nope, not a once, did I feel lonely in my secluded hospital room with the door closed (I liked some of the new measures in place at my local hospital thanks to the pandemic, hope they keep them all!). The gentleman in the room next to mind screamed night and day. The staff were ragged over trying to get him to use the call button. I wasn’t, thanks to all I learned last year, I was happy to hear him scream. Was it pleasant? Nope. But I was happy to be there and to be able to hear him. LJ continues to grow! After 2 days I found out he had suffered a stroke. No wonder he was yelling all the time: his speech was impaired, obviously he had physical limitations to the stroke or he wouldn’t have been in there throughout the duration of my stay, he probably lived alone and needed monitoring, and most importantly I came to realize – he probably didn’t have full command of his faculties.
Interesting side-note here. Once I was discharged, I was at my weekly acupuncture appointment. After my doctor (and he is multi-disciplined, licensed physician and master at various eastern philosophies) starting to take the needles out, he asked me if I had been meditating, to wit I replied, of course. He then told me he knew I was, normally my mind is racing to and for and today he could feel I was in a deep state! This doesn’t happen with every sit for me, but I’m getting better all the time (old Laura would have – and did – get frustrated for not having “mastered” mental freedom in a week) and proud of it. SO … as I tried to catch up with my reading (which hasn’t been easy cause I’m STILL sleeping MUCH), I realized I did accomplish parts of Chapter 4 – so there Mr. Haanel!
I returned to work – albeit part time – only taking 1 appointment a day last Monday. I am literally and figuratively EXHAUSTED. And behind. Right now, I am taking care of physical me first, then work, then tending to MKE duties. This is first time (Sunday morning) I’ve sat at my computer for more than 15 minutes. But I promised myself I would get this blog done. One step at a time, I remind myself.
I have been working hard to create positive thoughts and practice the Law of Substitution EACH and EVERY time I begin to worry about a paycheck (I work on commission only). I replace these thoughts with gratitude. I am UNEQUIVOCALLY happy to be here today and typing this to you. I have been working hard to incorporate the lessons in Chapter 5 into my life this past week. It’s how I survive and how I take possession of me. I have shed the constant negative thoughts of my parents and the physical ailments that plagued them throughout their lives, I no longer give in to worrying about this. My positive thoughts are giving my body the strength it needs to heal. And I believe, truly believe, those positive thoughts did not land me in further distress when my body attacked me 2 short weeks ago – at the time, unbeknownst to me – I was critically depleted in potassium – and my body was literally shutting down on me. I was brought to the ER in time, my extremities had frozen up – contracted beyond anything I could imagine. And it could have been worse, much worse, organs would have started to fail – but wasn’t – cause I’m building on my power from within.