Becoming LJ – Week 19

I have spent the better part of the last four months working on “me.” When I found out about the Master Key Experience I had joined it to better my sidegig. After the first webinar I realized I needed more work on me than on the biz. In this past week’s Key, Charles Haanel affirmed my current state with this sentence: “You take the necessary time to eat in order that the body
may be nourished, why not take the time to assimilate your mental food?” I’m pleased I have been able to find the right food to feed my mind. It’s been a challenge and oh-so worthwhile. And yes, there have been a few obstacles, and thanks to the tools provided to us in MKE, I’ve been able to dodge most of them.

I’ve also come to the realization in recent weeks that I’ve left my business activities stray. While attending a local chamber event the speaker flashed the following on the screen, her favorite quote: “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” – John A. Shedd

Night Experiments 3
Beautiful and safe indeed.
boat on Lago Maggiore
Yet meant to be out in the open water.
Compass,compass,direction,north
Always know where you are going

I’ve strayed off course and it’s time to get my bearings again. I finally have a purpose in life and I am DETERMINED to attain it. Some look at persistence in a negative mindset, for me it is my raison d’etre!

Becoming LJ – Week 18

“Is this my day to excel?”

Well Mr. Mandino, I certainly have excelled – might not be my best but it sure as hell is fantabulous. And to this I celebrate!

I spend this valuable time now on my day job and I’m now developing a fruitful habit to work on my side gig each evening on a regular, and not sporadic, basis. This is my salvation and something I must devote more time to. Four months I have dedicated on the necessary mental work for me. Now the time has arrived to perform the needed physical work to succeed and attain my Definite Main Purpose. This too shall come.

Since choosing this journey in September I have rid myself of several idle habits, to wit ghastly wasters of my scant resources. I proudly affirm that I hardly ever turn the television on anymore.

Always a lead with a negative happening. I cannot be a witness to such anymore.

To my detriment, sometimes I am too literal a person (a habit slowly being purged from my life). Today I am proud to say I can read between the lines. Scroll IV contains numerous passages worthy of reflection and this particular section resonated with me: “Where there are idle mouths I will listen not; where there are idle hands I will linger not; where there are idle bodies I will visit not. Henceforth I know that to court idleness is to steal food, clothing and warmth from those I love. I am not a thief. I am a man of love.”

Each month my employer brings all designers together for product training and professional development. The company’s theme for 2020 is Win. What was supposed to be a rally cry had me cringing for more than an hour. It’s not about a continuous reach of moving the goalpost, right? That is the message delivered to us this week. I am SO grateful to this journey. In the past I would have blindly followed everyone on the bandwagon. Alas, I refuse to go for the carrot dangling in front of my nose any further. This job affords me the opportunity to sustain my financial needs and I will not fall victim to an ever-increasing performance standard that pushes for more and more sales. The climate has changed dramatically since my arrival there: five short years ago we were a group who helped one another, now it is an atmosphere of who’s to blame who for “X” and following the almighty dollar. This does not align with my belief system. The goalpost is firmly affixed and my aspirations have evolved. Bravo to me.

Becoming LJ – Week 17 – The Hero's Journey

What have I been pretending not to know? What a deep question. One I’ve mulled over this whole week. As I continue to become a more aware adult thanks to this journey I found myself fessing up to many things I’ve been pretending (out of fear) to not know. This hasn’t been easy, but it’s been eye-opening to say the least. It’s a sobering realization that there’s more up there than I give myself credit for. And for those things I truly don’t know, I am learning to become one with the Universal and allow said knowledge to come to me when the time is right. If I’m going to be honest with myself, the world does not revolve around me and all will come in due time.

I have tried to find imagination in all I have encountered this week, this virtue is one I didn’t expect to have any issues with and voila – mega issues. I had expectations of success and it’s been a lean result week for this one. Win some, lose less, right? One more day to find a winner out there!

We were assigned the task of reading an obituary a day this week. Our instructions were clear – hard copy – not online. I’m still puzzled over this though I’ve found the exercise to be enlightening. The legacies left behind, the poor souls who were all but forgotten and everyone in between. Wonder where I’ll end up on the spectrum when my time is up?

Can’t end without one act of kindness I personally experienced this week. Upon my return to Florida from the cruise, it was a brisk 50゚ with a moderate wind and I was faced with having to wait for my brother to come pick me up at Port Everglades. I was standing outside for more than half an hour when one of the shuttle drivers saw me shivering. He offered to let me sit in his shuttle while he was waiting for his private party to arrive. I could not believe this generosity extended to me. Being sheltered from the cold was a life-saver. And he wouldn’t take a token of my appreciation when it came time to leave. There is goodness still in this world.

Becoming LJ – Week 17

My View This Week
My View This Week

Being in an enclosed space (cruise ship) since the weekend has given me opportunity to reflect more than normal. I’ve had an amazing opportunity to re-watch every Digital Solutions webinar and caught more things I missed on the original evening. I’m grateful to be able to get away for a week and commit this time to myself (I can be at the beach within five minutes at home and can sit in the sun anytime I so desire – these are activities that are no longer high on my priority list).

I don’t normally have a name plate or wine in front of me when working!

It’s been slow going with limited service which has extended the time spent on each yet I’ve been determined to complete this task. I have two days left to re-watch weeks 6 and 7 of our MKE webinar to see if I can figure out why I’ve had such a mental block with the shapes and colors.

On the second day of this cruise I experienced yet another aha moment. I’m amazed at how aware I am becoming! What a gift. I am blessed.

I’ve been living with love in my heart more than I realized since this concept was introduced to me a short few weeks ago. This came to me out of nowhere in an elevator on the ship on my first day. I caught myself actually looking at the person I was saying hello to and not just saying hello as a pleasantry to be dismissed as soon as it was uttered – I truly looked at him. Then it hit me, this has become my new normal. True connection to that person whether they are willing to receive it or not. That is a gift – and one I’ve been giving without trying – another wall or layer has been taken down from my old world. Now, I will mindfully work on smiling when saying hi!

If this layer of my subconscious is working, then the rest of my subby is surely working towards my definite main purpose in life, right? I continue to have faith and am proud to recognize there is growth within me. Each accomplishment brings me closer to the Universal. Amen!

Becoming LJ – Week 16

I started the week off with anticipation for Saturday’s Duplicating School with Mark. The closer it came the more fearful I became since I had put “all my eggs in that one basket” and I realized I built this all-or-nothing mechanism that should never have been there. Damn that old DNA rearing its ugly head. I asked a lot of questions, was truthful with my replies when asked questions, yet walked away bruised (NOT hurt) after being called selfish. Had a great conversation with my guide Louise and am now trying to work through how selfish was used since I only see it in a literal translation.

Last month I pitched an idea to the women’s club at my association: Movie Night on Tuesdays in our clubhouse. It was met with positive comments and I began to plan showing a couple of holiday-themed nights in December to “practice” for when everyone returned in the new year. They supported my request to use our community popcorn-making machine so I serve it as we begin the movie.

Last week Eat, Pray Love (this month’s theme is starting anew) failed me and we ended up watching Rebecca – completely not what I had in mind but it was free and available. Ended up being a super movie and was Alfred Hitchcock ‘s introduction to the US market. Apologies – I digress yet again! This Tuesday we watched Pay It Forward. Wow. Twist at the end. Impactful. Wow. To think when I planned this month’s movies I had no idea we’d be working on Franklin’s Makeover and that showing the movie this week fell on out Kindness week. That was a double-triple whammy for me. No one can tell me I wasn’t ready for this journey. I signed up to better my business, I am bettering me so much more and that’s fundamental to ever grow my biz. Who knew?

Becoming LJ – Week 15

Another aha moment yet again during the webinar on Sunday when we were told of Franklin’s Makeover and how it’s been modified for our use through the Master Key Experience!

Identifying the shapes and colors since we were first assigned that task has been an ongoing challenge for me, I haven’t given up, but I certainly suffer from some form of block to accomplishing this. Our makeover speaks to me – no, it SCREAMS to me – and I’m actually excited to be doing this. It’s only been a few days and I’ve had more success with this than the aforementioned task!

I continue to have faith I will eventually catch on and overcome my mental block for the shape and color exercise and add to my arsenal of tools to become that better “me!”

Aside from participating in this life affirming program I have acquired a habit that I truly enjoy and that is the weekly zoom call with my team. Even though we’ve touched base back-and-forth on Marco Polo during the break it was great to see people live and talk to people live. Sharing with those on the same path is priceless! I’ve come to enjoy this time immensely, albeit I am not very awake by that hour when we have it, yet it is in an immeasureable experience and I continue to enjoy such interaction. Observing how we’ve grown together, shared our experiences, and have become so comfortable with one another on this journey is an amazing opportunity. I’ve enjoyed watching our progression.

This weekend I head to Fort Myers to participate in Mark’s MLM training. I simply CANNOT wait. It is IMPERATIVE I learn what is my missing link to become the success that awaits me. I will be challenging myself to speak to other participants as much as possible (and not just under whatever opportunities are given to us to do so) to break down my old DNA. I am actually excited to meet new people!

Becoming LJ – Week 14

Unbelievable – truly halfway through this journey (program). Where did this time go? A roller coaster. Even with my vertigo I wouldn’t get off this one – too much at stake.

Holy crapper-doo-doos Batman I really know I’m going to make it. Yes, I will. And I trust the process implicitly. I need to rid myself of my old DNA – no es bueno. Nope, not at all. It will come with practice. Back to my new basics. Survived the holidays. No family drama – and THAT is a small win to CELEBRATE – actually that’s a HUGE WIN – and I’m celebrating whilst longing for my nephew and his family as I type and they make the 36-hour drive back to Montreal.

I am gaining confidence – not where I want to be – but gaining is a win in itself – so screw you DNA – LJ is on a roll and IS going to persevere.

Scroll IV hits home once again. I am learning to love myself and now accept I AM nature’s greatest miracle. How could I not be? Seriously, it’s taken a miracle to make it this far in my life and now I know it won’t be a miracle but true alignment with Universal Mind that will take me to lengths I can’t even imagine at this time. My day is coming. I haven’t worked this hard for nothing. Nope, no grain of sand here. Here and now I proclaim my uniqueness to the world! And I always keep my promises.

Becoming LJ – Week 13

I am hanging on by a thread. And I continue to work on through this despair.

Still battling the fear that keeps rearing its ugly head. I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE INTO IT. But my reality is just that – my reality. I survived all summer on my credit cards and now my only cushion is soon-to-be-depleted. I have done so well in overcoming most (not all – yet!) negative self-talk, I have developed a daily routine to maintain my commitment to myself and my MKE journey, I am increasing my choice of positive reactions to things transpiring around me – yet this albatross (finances – or lack thereof) is a reality I am having a hard time overcoming. How will I ever enjoy the effect I strive towards with the cause I have identified if these thoughts keep getting interrupted?

Speaking of my daily routine. My nephew, his wife, her father and their 3 children arrived on Sunday. This is truly my third Christmas – seeing his Girls grow up – and the joy they experience to be in Florida instead of freezing in cold Montreal for Christmas is priceless. I honestly can say I never really experienced the joy of the season during my youth (and quite frankly in my adult years) until they started to make this a tradition. My apologies – I digress. Since there is considerable turmoil in my villa (1200 s.f. with 3 adults and 3 children under 5), I am “escaping” to my car to maintain my routine. I let everyone know I’m off to an appointment or to run an errand and retreat to some peace and quite. Thus far it’s working and I plan to continue until they return to Canada in the new year. I just CANNOT let the old DNA take over. I’ve come to far. And I’m not a quitter.

This week’s webinar was of some solace to me. Wish it were my “answer,” alas, it did give me hope. Brass tacks with NARC: leverage the mind with positive (pleasurable) thoughts. My traction point was identified several weeks ago and I’m trying to work through it. Logically this makes all the sense in the world. Now I have to define my pleasurable thought to overcome my old DNA. And I’m not even thinking it’s cause I’m too busy – I’m not (with work anyway) – and I’m making the time to run to my car to keep my daily routine – I just can’t think of that “positive” thought to get me off my butt. Yes – it IS time to leverage all I have been working on.

So why haven’t I figured out my pleasure thought yet? It’s been 3 days.

Lighting at the tunnel.

When will I see my light at the end of the tunnel?

Becoming LJ – In Arrears

Halfway through week 11 I got sick. Visited my local ER and discharged after a strange (to me) diagnosis of Benign Positional (or Directional) Vertigo. Extremely low on magnesium and potassium. I am to take supplements and I do not believe in supplements. For now, I shall listen to the medical professionals and acquiesce. Then I will look at foods to incorporate into my diet – until then – I shall be a “good girl!”.

The very next day I caught “something” – the flu – a cold – I’m not sure – but it has had me bedridden with a fever of 102 degrees for two separate days. Each time I think I have it beat it beats me down again. Lethargic is an understatement. And I wake up today and realize I haven’t submitted my blog for last week and I’m a day late for this week. AND … tomorrow begins week 13. Holy smokes – I am about to begin the last week of the first half of the Master Key Experience. Insta-Fear. Yup. MEGA.

Don’t like the word many use for our old paragdigm – the cement – I prefer to use DNA. And in this case, my old DNA is given me a run for my money. MUST, no NEED to rid myself of this bad mojo. So, I stop and breathe. Then I celebrate the release of my DMP – something I never knew was on the horizon. That helps. And I celebrate last week’s and this week’s service to myself – small victories worth the recognition. Then I looked at my bank balance and panic has overtaken my body. I am almost out of funds. I am not making much money at my day job (no longer covers my living expenses) and the past month has been negligible for earnings with my side gig and once this money is gone – it’s gone.

So I’m trying my damnedest to use what I’ve learned thus far (and deep-down believe in) to overtake this fear. As I write the panic remains. Logic dictates it’s long overdue that I change what I am doing and I’m not sure what it is that I should change. Irrational fear has seeped in. I’m grateful I’m working today – perhaps my mind will be kept occupied. I sure hope so.

I sure as hell am going to persist through this. I haven’t come this far to give up. But man, am I ever nervous.

Becoming LJ – Week 10

No webinar? No problem – I have plenty to do to keep me busy. Too bad I didn’t realize there was no digital solutions on Monday – frantically looked for the link and gave up after half an hour. Thanks Leanne for letting me know I wasn’t losing my mind!

FINALLY – success – my blog site is running properly! Now that this albatross has been removed from list, maybe, just maybe, I’ll successfully complete my recording. I’m being too judgmental on myself for this – but I want it to be done right – by whose standards?  Well, mine of course! So – I forge on with my work, and my MKE commitments – all is more than good! One baby step at a time – change like this takes commitment and time and patience – need I go on?

Change is good. My entire life I’ve been a change-agent and have always enjoyed stirring shit up. Why is it then that I am remorseful over leaving Scroll II behind? Perhaps it is due to how much it affected me. I have been hurt one too many times in my life and decided a long time ago to build a wall (in reality, upon reflection it’s many walls) around me. I’ve looked for all kinds of love since I was a child. Disappointment after disappointment led to the building of these walls. Scroll II had me looking at this differently! I’ve always been benevolent, been the friend others turn to (over the past couple of years I have been able to admit I need help too sometimes!), but have always lacked that one component – you know – the love thing. I have always doubted anyone who says those words to me – yes, a literal girl – but am learning to accept these words as a gift. It will come. Of this I have no doubt.

Perhaps it was also due to the fact the opening paragraph of Scroll III has aspects of what I consider to be animal cruelty in it – tried passing over those sentences then rationalize to myself this was written in a different time period and even then it was depicting a time period even older than when it was written? Am I making any sense? So, it’s been hard for me to get through the beginning of this scroll. The rest of it? Story of my life! Once I make up my mind to do something, I will stop at almost nothing to accomplish it.